Rach, funny how you know that there are right decisions to be made, but you refuse to make them until you have to relent. Please smack yourself in the face now, lol.

Rach, LETTING GO might hurt, but if you seek temporal happiness, you’re shortchanging yourself to getting things which are much more worthwhile in light of what is to come and what is already here.

Rach, maybe walk away is the decision you had to make all these while.

STOP BEING SO DAFT.

It’s a huge heartache, for the first/second time it’s a big heartache.

I remember the first time where people just suddenly stopped coming and I asked God, what’s wrong? Is there anything wrong with the method at which I’m teaching the girls? Is there something wrong with the delivery that makes it so boring and inapplicable for them?

Then people started coming. And that was also my first awakening to how much responsibility a cell leader has as a shepherd to really take care of his/her sheep, to know everyone of them by name.

Today once again was the second time. It’s been a recurring heartache, because no real sharing was being done in class. No interlocking. Today we learnt that we’re all living stones, built into a spiritual house (1 Pet 2:5). But for the spiritual house to be built, every living stone has to interlock with one another.  But I couldn’t see that happening within my cell. Everything was happening at a very superficial level. 

I can’t really recall what I asked, but I could sense there was not much of a desire to take ownership of the community that they were placed into, and that broke my heart completely. No love? Sorta like a mid-life crisis for me, and I thought that my cell was doing very well! -.- Guess not. I realised that there was so much focus on teaching and building them and imparting them with knowledge that I forgot to build the relationships between each of them.

That’s when I learnt, a ministry/community is about the relationships between people. And what they feel really matter. And as a cell leader, my role is to not just teach them but to build a rapport with them, and to make them feel as a whole, so that they feel loved, cared for, and belonged. So that one day they too will start taking over this community and make others feel like they belong.

Teach people, not subjects/knowledge. 

God, this is all yours, there are your people, and God I really ask that You will cause them to turn to You, and no longer let time be an excuse for not spending time with You, and to really prioritise well. Surely God, You are the one who deserves the full honour and praise. 

Edit//

A C.S. Lewis Quote I just read about the importance of community:

“In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets. Now that Charles is dead, I shall never again see Ronald’s [Tolkien’s] reaction to a specifically Charles joke. Far from having more of Ronald, having him “to myself” now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald…In this, Friendship exhibits a glorious “nearness by resemblance” to heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each of us has of God. For every soul, seeing Him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest. That, says an old author, is why the Seraphim in Isaiah’s vision are crying “Holy, Holy, Holy” to one another (Isaiah 6:3). The more we thus share the Heavenly Bread between us, the more we shall have.”

I need to blog about this before I forget.

Today, as Rach Leng has aptly put it, “faith in everything, restored”.

God as the Jehovah Jireh really amazes me time and again. I was just lamenting about how much we have learnt about “community” through VCF bible study sessions, and how much it doesn’t really trickle down to the individual level. So the FOC had this car-washing event going on, and we needed help from our community. 

I was adamant that no one would be willing to help us. Really adamant, you could even call this “faithless”. On Wednesday, there was absolutely no one on the sign up list, and I was thinking, “Why am I not surprised?” However, after being pushed to call up the people in VCF one by one, the number of helpers just started crawling up.

On Friday itself, we still didn’t meet the quota of helpers, and I was on the verge of cancelling this entire event. However, there was something in me that refused to give up without a fight. (On hindsight it was probably the Holy Spirit within me) So it went on. And God just provided, and provided. And on Saturday morning, I was getting messages from people informing me they’d be there.

Today I stand, and I know God is watching us, and He has our backs. We just gotta yield our hearts to Him and trust Him. Something that I’m learning, one step at a time. And the community that He placed around me, loves Him. And because of that, we are able to love one another. I’m a firm believer of that.

1 John 4:19 - We love because He first loved us.

God no matter what happens to this community, please change me heart, so that I may be able to show agape love to them.

Hai theeighthalley, it’s been a long time since I saw you, partly because life is just, being life. Taking time from all over the place that I almost have none left. I should have made time to reflect of course, and I sure hope that I will in the 3 months that I have to breathe before life becomes a constant struggle again.

So yesterday, for the first time in my life and Sean’s life, he was on stage, dancing. Doing what he loves. I have never felt so happy for someone before, because for the first time, he actually has so much passion doing something he loves. I have never seen him so happy before, which is why I was probably so mesmerized by the way he was dancing on stage. It was like nothing else mattered, it’s just him, and the stage. And I hope that he will always remember that moment. He looks so handsome :’-) Not bragging here, but lucky is the girl who marries that guy. Sean, has found himself in dancing, most spectacular. So proud of him.

And looking at Elijah. His voice is actually deeper now, he’s slimming down, losing all his baby fat, and it seems like one day he will tower over me. Haha, eggcites. He was talking to me as usual about his classmates, something that I have missed for the longest time because I am only home on the weekends, but I’m glad I had this uber long convo with him on the taxi. He’s growing up, and one day, he’ll find himself too.

These brothers of mine are growing up. I don’t know what my mum feels when she sees us, whether she feels happy, or she misses the smaller and perhaps more submissive versions of us. Not that we’re rebellious now, but it seems like we’re all starting to walk our separate ways, pursuing our own passions. 

And maybe next time, the only times we’ll see each other is during CNY gatherings. I actually hope that I will meet these people on a weekly basis. I think I will miss the times when we were young and did stupid things together.

But I’ll never forget this family of mine. What I truly call home. 

We were created to work, and to work towards an end goal - eternal perspective of work. Hm, interesting. To foreshadow the realities of the new creation. Working and being a Christian are equally important.

The vision of work: Eschatological (working towards the new creation,towards an end), ethical (for the edification and aid of human beings), theological (inspired by the Spirit) , teleological (holds a final cause, there is an end and purpose to it).

Wow. Still super confusing :S

More amazing stuff. God is constantly working towards an end goal himself. He didn’t create the world so that it remains unchanged, he creates the world so that it can be changed more and more to become the new earth.. How refreshing. And the best part is that He involves us as human beings to be part of this change.

” Genesis does not present the creation as a finished product, wrapped up with a big red bow and handed over to the creations to keep it exactly as originally created.  It is not a one-time production.  Indeed for the creation to stay just as God originally created it would constitute a failure of the divine design.  From God’s perspective, the world needs work;  development and change are what God intends for it, and God enlists human beings (and other creations) to that end.  From another angle, God did not exhaust the divine creativity in the first week of the world; God continues to create and uses creatures in a vocation that involves the becoming of creation.”

What a nice quote to sum everything up.

Shouldn’t we start to think about how we can change this world? (:

I’ll really fall harder for you,

but can I help it?

And when you’re needing your space

To do some navigating

I’ll be here patiently waiting

To see what you find

dallasclayton:

TWO CHILDREN PLAYING A GAME WITH NO DIRECTIONS:

Child 1: Wait, this game doesn’t have directions.
 
Child 2: So?
 
Child 1: So how do you know if you are playing it right?
 
Child 2: It’s fun. When a game is fun you’re playing it right.

Once again, I am so refreshed because today

1) I got to know some of the cell girls better, and they were comfortable around me!

2) I had a 3 hours chat with one of my ex-students Colan and yay, we shared our lives with each other which was really good!

3) During worship, God reminded me to enjoy serving Him and not be so caught up with what people think about me!

4) Been struggling to let go of a grudge, and even though I can’t I still will try

The list is never ending la.

But anw, I loved point 2 the most cos, it really really has sparked and excited me to study. Like I’m studying cos of my students in future, and cos I really want the best for them.. I pray that I start thinking about what’s best for them even now (: It’s exciting to see how God works, yay!

(:

for gen!